ibuberu | Dancing with the Dead (General)

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Dancing with the Dead (General)

written for the first round of

write_and_run !

Title – Dancing with the Dead
Fandom – KHR
Characters – Tsuna, Vongola Family
Genres – General, Tragedy
Rating – PG-13
Summary – AU; if Reborn had decided not to tutor Tsuna.

Dancing with the Dead

Tsuna remembered a transfer student with grey hair and exotic green eyes. He scowled in a way that made him unapproachable to the majority of the school population. The only boy who attempted to talk to him, and found enjoyment out of it, was the baseball team's ace. Yamamoto tried to make friends with him, but was later found cracked into pieces on the ground after plummeting five floors down from the school roof.

The rumours said that Gokudera had been the one who pushed.

Gokudera was unfazed by the news. He was more intent on sneering at Tsuna with those fierce eyes of his, almost like he was waiting for a slip-up, for a chance to do him in. He stunk of singed cigarettes and ashes, and he was one of the worst memories of junior high and high school combined.

Tsuna spent the next five years of schooling hiding from Gokudera until one day, he finally left on a plane bound for an uncharted destination.

Kyouya Hibari used to be the prefect everyone feared. He wielded weapons of steel and a nonchalant face and an infamous (ironic) intolerance for anything mildly defiant. One of Tsuna's main goals in school was to avoid Hibari at all costs. He made sure late-comers were punished and persuaded to be in school an hour before the first bell, even as they struggled with casts and crutches. He patrolled the hallways with a militaristic swag, and Tsuna honestly hadn't minded as long as he wasn't on the receiving end of Hibari's brutality.

One day, he disappeared after a golden pocket watch had been left on his desk.

His body was found weeks later in a rundown amusement park on the outskirts of town, blanketed by withered cherry blossoms. A tiny bird with yellow feathers had been crooning a swan song over the dehydrated, bone-broken boy, whose skeletal hands were still wrapped firmly around his tonfas, even in death.

Tsuna learned how mortal humans were that day during the principal's address. No matter how skilled they could be with weapons or how much respected fear they collected, everyone was going to die sooner or later.

A quiet Chinese girl and a noisy boy in a cow suit wandered the streets for a short period of time. They were separate cases with no relation to one another, but both children that would not find a family in Nanimori. They would be eventually picked up and shipped off to an orphanage by a girl with a kind heart and warm eyes. Tsuna thought that she was a nice person when he saw her strolling to the girl's school on the other side of town – that maybe if she was his friend, his life would have been just a little bit brighter.

Ryohei Sasagawa, star of the boxing team, moved on to claim the championship the nationals and carry the medal back to Nanimori High. He was a celebrated individual and a role model for all the jocks. On his way to school, Tsuna observed the boxer train every day without fail – jogging or skipping rope or lifting weights, under rain and shine.

He admired the senior for all his strength and his determination, but the question was – what was he doing it all for?

A ten-year old with a thick scarf, a book that was half the size of his scrawny body and clear, innocent eyes had been reported missing on the news. He was never found.

Following that, another body was located in the abandoned amusement park, this time of a student from Kokuyo High. He died with one eye open and the other shut tight. A foreign pistol rested in his limp hand and a smile of ecstasy was carved onto his face.

Kyoko Sasagawa, the girl of his dreams, never came to notice him. When Mochida, the captain of Kendo club, challenged him to a match, Tsuna skipped the entire day of school and locked himself up in his room. He tossed and turned on his bed, and wondered if that was the limit of his love for Kyoko-chan.

When he went to school the next day, he was a laughing stock – which really wasn't out of the ordinary at all.

He saw Kyoko-chan standing along the hallway as he trudged to class. She regarded at him with careful sympathy, just for a second. She opened her mouth, almost as if she wanted to say something – but Mochida interrupted her when he placed an arm around her shoulders and proceeded to tease him for his spinelessness.

Tsuna bowed his head and didn't dare to look at her pretty eyes for the rest of the school year.

Later on, he witnessed Kyoko snapping into two after enduring Mochia's advances for too long a time, saw her frown and raise her voice and throw a punch she'd learned from her brother, watch as the pretty image of the girl he thought he liked ripped into pieces before his eyes.

A girl and a stray cat were crushed under the tires of a skidding car. No one in particular cared, but Tsuna felt a sting of sadness, for no reason, when he happened across the scene of the tragic incident.

His father was killed while working on the construction site – by a metal pipe that had snapped off its harness, taken him out from the back and struck him clean through the middle of his head. This was what the people dressed in refined black suits and red eyes told him and his mother as they stood at his front door. His mother wiped the corners of her eyes and invited them into the house for tea.

Tsuna wanted to believe that his dad had died for a greater, more heroic reason than that.

This was the only thing that remained constant in his hometown – death, death, death.

Tsunayoshi Sawada looks up from the perpetually dirty street, clutching a dustpan and rake in his skinny hands. It is so cold on these empty pathways with no one around. Somewhere in the creases of his heart, where it is barely warm enough, the twenty-four year old wishes that he could live his life in any other way than this.

He hears footsteps approaching from behind, and the first instinct is to run.

In Italy, a baby in a fedora realizes his mistake ten years too late, when a boy with an angry scar is crowned the Vongola Decimo. Reborn thinks that if Tsunayoshi Sawada is still alive now, perhaps there is a dormant sky flame flickering in him that can save them all.

In Japan, a madman with bleached hair kills a young girl with a star under her eye using a pointed dagger, and a worthless street cleaner with a cheap bullet –

Just in case.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Gosh, it really hurt reading this. It was so raw and so gut-wrenching that I am strangely compelled to like the bitter aftertaste of it. Very well executed. The idea of "What if they never met" can really produce some gems like this.

Thank you! Yes, it was also a little hard and bitter for me to get through this, but exploring the alternate timelines are always great, especially because technically there was a timeline where Tsuna did end up as a street cleaner if he didn't become the Vongola boss. (If I remember correctly?)

Anyway, I'm glad you liked this!

Hmm, I didn't start reading the manga until the current arc. I can't remember a scene pointing at that possibility at the anime. But anyway, it is a really strange experience to read about the many possibilities of how they might end up in life under certain circumstances. Not many of the outcomes are glorious, aren't they? I have always liked the fics about the probability of a bleak future in KHR. Maybe the manga and anime is so happy-go-lucky that one craves to see this side of their lives and I can certainly understand what kind of a feeling it is for a writer to write about it.

Thanks again.

Character Interpretation: 10
Grammar/Spelling: 10
Story Flow: 18
Prompt Usage: 13
Originality: 13
Bonus: 10

Total: 74

-I had reviewed before not knowing about the point system, so I came back since I loved this so much.

I think I'm in love with the way you write. Everything's so poignant and clear and it makes me think that it really could have happened that it almost physically hurts. Excellent job, I love it.

ffff I-I'm very incoherent after hearing that! But really, lots and lots of thanks ♥

Hope that I will be able to write more fics that you'll enjoy!

Oh, just remembered - I figured I should do the point system for you, right?

Character Interpretation - 10. Tsuna is incredibly himself in this, and so were the other characters, even through their appearances were brief.

Grammar/Spelling - Saw nothing. 10.

Story Flow - Like I've said, everything is so poignant here.

Prompt Usage - I love the expansion of his not-so-happy memories here. 14.

Originality - There's are many fics that using the same plot, but yours has a different twist in it that I like very much. And the ending is just superb. 13.

Bonus - A very different but ingenious way of interpreting the bonus prompt. His world is different, but he still gets shot, and that definitely counts here. 10.

Thank you ♥

Character Interpretation - 9 points - Ryohei fights because he's a man (or wants to be that stereotypical man), so its not really all for naught. Otherwise, all the characters seem fine, though you did dabble in them. One that were better nails were Kyoko, Byakuran, and Hibari. Yeah, they were the best.

Grammar/Spelling - 7 points. Its not Nanimori, but Namimori, and this mis-spelling was twice. (On my very first fic ever, I made this mistake. I also spelled Mukuro Murkuro. It sounded more like him to me)

Story Flow - 15 points. The intro was a little slow and didn't immediatly grab me, which made it hard to read. You know, the imagery wasn't particularly striking. You used parenthesis, so I'm going to have to take the subjective liberty to say they broke the flow for me. mainly, because they break your tone. For me, parenthesis are like footnotes, and if they don't extend your point, why have it, ya? I didn't really understand why mukuro would possess fuuta, so that part confused me a little, though I think you trying to give the reader the liberty to figure it out themselves. The part about Tsuna's dad's death was a little slow for me also. The breaks were also very frequent and I'm not too sure how much I like them also... It would hvae been cool if you had connected and intertwined their deaths more, making them all in relate like how there are so many different relationships in KHR, but this may have been too difficult and complex.

Prompt Usage - 7 points. Tsuna is remembering in the beginning, but the prompt feels like it has nothing to do with the plot. The rest of the story feels more like a newspaper than than a memory. Or even, a more like a prophecy if he and reborn never met. I suppose, it just could have been clearer that he was remembering throughout the fic to have fit the prompt better.

Originality - 12 points. Ryohei and Chrome came out a bit cliche to me, but the other bits were very nice and original.

Bonus - 10 Points

total: 60

You caught me for Ryohei, I had a little trouble with his character too. For me, I just kind of felt, Ryohei finds more meaning to his training when he's able to protect Kyoko and his friends, like in the original timeline, but that's just my interpretation.

Ahhh, I totally understand what you mean about the parenthesis, thanks for pointing it out (:

Yeah, it meant to be Tsuna looking back into the past, but I can see why it isn't so clear, I'll have to be more mindful about that in the future. Thank you so much for the thoughtful comment ♥

Ryohei is a toughie to write or to draw anything deep from. Like, Yamamoto is really fluffy, but he has this angsty side. Ryohei's angsty side isn't very prominent.

No problem~

=A= I am really a horrible beta. X.X -is not great with grammatical errors when she is more focused on the story flow and characterization-

Character Interpretation - 10. Tsuna fits this down to a T. And the part on Kyoko was accurate in so many ways.
Grammar/Spelling - 9. mostly my fault. X.X
Story Flow - 17. The story was flowy in such a way that I could practically see it through the line breaks. ^^; Very nice.
Prompt Usage - 15. The idea of an AU with this prompt works interestingly.
Originality - 12. An AU with this sort of feeling is not very common to run across. And you got down Tsuna's life without Reborn's interference so accurately.

Bonus - 10.

Total: 73 (out of a possible 80 points)

Haha, not at all, I'm really grateful for your help okay!

Thanks for the review!

Sorry it took so long to get out a point-review! But man, oh man, this really packed quite the punch. The ending really grips the reader around the heart and twists. Great job with an Alternate Timeline. I think I remember Reborn mentioning a timeline where he didn't teach Tsuna and the fact he would have become a lowly citizen among society. And by using that to write this, it was a disturbing but very well played fic.

Point time!

Character Interpretation - 10. This is exactly how I could see Tsuna being if he had never met Reborn. And the ending, gah, still can't get over that.
Grammar/Spelling - 9. I saw maybe one error, but that didn't interrupt the story at all and I couldn't wait to read more.
Story Flow - 15. The only thing that detracts from the story is the blue lines in-between for transition. Otherwise, this is excellent.
Prompt Usage - 15. Full points! This was a brilliant take on the prompt.
Originality - 15. I just ... there are no words to describe how interesting this was, how it makes the reader think of all the 'could have been's and really put two and two together. Nice!
Bonus - 10. A full circle, from how it all started to how it all ended.

Total: 74 out of 80.

Thank you for entering, and good luck!

Thank you so much :D

I just love experimenting with AUs for KHR because there's millions of possibilities, so I'm glad you found this take on it nice.

OMG THIS AU OMG.

Character Interpretation - 10. Really, I love all of them.

Grammar/Spelling - 9. Nothing wrong except Nanimori ^^;

Story Flow - 18. There are a few awkward moments in the longer parts (i.e., Kyoko's and Hibari's) although maybe that's just me. The shorter ones are nothing short of perfect though *_* AND THE ENDING SLDKFSLG

Prompt Usage - I'm not sure how to grade this category because... I take it that Tsuna is actually remembering for the entire fic? Except for the last part, which is written in present tense? If that's the case, then it's 12 :D

Originality - 10

Bonus - 10

Total: 69/80

Thank you so much and sorry for replying so late! ;;

I totally get what you mean about the awkwardness, and I'm very stoked that you liked the ending :D

Character Interpretation: 7; He seemed to be more depressed than usual, his reactions not what I had expected them to be.

Grammar/Spelling: 8; there were a few errors.

Story Flow: 17.

Prompt Usage: 13.

Originality: 10. I thought the ideas that were made from scratch were good, but the twists from the actual plot line seemed kind of cliché, I guess.

Bonus: 10

Total: 65.

I see what you mean about the originality, thanks for pointing that out to me!

Anyway, thank you for the review (:

Character Interpretation—9.

Grammar/Spelling—7. A few mistakes throughout it, I don't think you need be to point out what you spelled wrong at this point. It was still readable, though.

Story Flow—13. My attention kept getting worse through this. It was a powerful fic, yet with all the line breaks it lost some of its charm. Without them, maybe if you connected the deaths, the flow would've been better.

Prompt Usage—10. It didn't really seem to fit the prompt that well. More than anything else, it seemed like a report, almost.

Originality—12. Clichéd at some points, while others shined through.

Bonus—10.

Total—61.

Ah, I see. I've definitely learned more about structure through this, I'll improve myself next time.

Thanks very much for the crit (:

Character Interpretation: 8- A wonderful interpretation of Tsuna and all the other character if they hadn't become involved with the mafia. It's a coincidence but I had a problem with how you interpreted Kyoko. I thought she was out of character. Even if she hadn't become involved, I don't think her character would change so radically that she would punch people and "snapping".

Grammar/Spelling: 10- None that I could spot. Nice job.

Story Flow: 16- Kyoko's part disrupted the flow. Before that, you mentioned that I-Pin and Lambo were sent to an orphanage. That threw me off too. I can't think of any developed countries, including Japan, that would have orphanages. Instead, they would be sent to a foster home. The only reason that it stood out for me is because of me reading a friend's post just a few days before this story. The rest of it was great. Very easy to read and a pleasure to do so.

Prompt Usage: 10- I didn't seem to me there was a lot of "looking back into the past" other than when Tsuna was remembering Gokudera in the beginning and when Reborn realized his mistake.

Originality: 14- I thought the idea of an AU where Tsuna never meets Reborn was very original and creative.

Bonus: 10

Total: 68

Oh, I totally get what you mean by Kyoko. I guess we all just have different interpretations regarding her. For me, I felt that if Kyoko hadn't met Tsuna and continued about her daily life, she'd probably be pressured by Mochida to the extent where she snaps. Imagine being all smiles and happy every day, and having a boy breathe down your neck - that was what I pictured when I wrote that part.

With Tsuna, she grows stronger as a character with him because she learns about patience and waiting and care, especially in the Future Arc. But hey, that's just my opinion, and I can see why it isn't completely justified in any way (: Thanks for the tip about the orphanages, and for the great review on a whole.

I wanted to type this comment/lame excuse of a review the day you posted this, but all I did was sit and let my eyes grow wide in raw shock.

Heart-wrenching, brutally honest, no pretty words - all these are good. However, the parts concerning Chrome and Ryohei are rather predictable; it's hard to think up something for Ryohei, though, yeah?

/gives gold star.

Aw, thank you very much! Thanks for pointing out the more predictable parts, I'll definitely try to improve next time (:

Character Interpretation: 10, Tsuna is perfectly in character (in my eyes). I'm certain this would be how Tsuna is like if he had never met Reborn.
Grammar/Spelling: 8, I caught sight of a few errors and the sentences could probably be structured a little bit better, but that's just my preference.
Story Flow: 17. The introduction caught my attention as Gokudera supposedly pushed Yamamoto off the roof, but the page breaks every few paragraphs interrupted the story flow. Perhaps you should try using something less visible but still noticable? Like perhaps just entering a dash on a blank line and starting a new paragraph on a new line.
Prompt Usage: 12, the fic in itself is a memory but I didn't really see much plot to it.
Originality: 12, the idea of a parallel world of never meeting the Arcobaleno, that Reborn gave an example of during the Choice Arc, was a brilliant idea!
Bonus: 10.

TOTAL: 69/80

Thank you so much :D Yeah, I definitely didn't do a good job picking the dividers this time round, but I'm still glad you managed to find enjoyment out of it (:

Thanks so much for the review!

Your results

74/80

Note: Due to an inconsistent number of reviews for each entry, this is the average for the three highest reviews you received.

Thank you for participating in the first prompt of

write_and_run. We look forward to seeing more entries from you!

Thank you very much (:

I like this- I've been meaning to get into KHR for a while, and now I finally started reading it- I must say this was all sorts of heartbreaking. I guess the music in the background that I'm listening to is kinda adding on to the effect.

My heart still hurts.

You've gotten into it?! No wonder you reblogged my fem!Tsuna :D

TELL ME EVERYTHING. Favourite character, ships, where have you read till? /sparkly eyes

a-also, thank you very much C:

I read the first 20 chapters a few years ago, while I was in middle school- because a friend told me. Then I got lazy to catch up, but now that I have the time I will catch up. But I'm actually watching the episodes- /sheepish smile- I try not to, but other people's habits rubbed off me.

But honestly, the more I watched the more I liked. I'm gonna start reading it- but I got distracted with Dengeki Daisy, which is actually very very good. Hmm...favorite ships- I'm one of those shippers whose open to everything and doesn't really have a favorite ship. YOU KNOW ME, I PAIR EVERYONE UP.

I got to the future arc, then Dengeki Daisy appeared and I fell in love with that. I'm easily distracted. /guilty

You are welcome. :)

Oh, I've read some of the earlier chapters of Dengeki Daisy. It's sweet, but I wasn't tootoo hooked onto it (:

Anyway, it's good to know about KHR friend! Hope you catch up whenever!

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